A Mormon’s Thoughts on Gay Marriage and Traditional Marriage…

Ok, when I first wrote this post (and re-wrote it, and re-wrote it, and re-wrote it…) I spent roughly 1000 words explaining why I personally support traditional marriage. But, now I’m erasing that and saving it for some other time, as I feel like I want to express something else.

Also, let’s be clear…I only speak for myself here. Not the LDS Church. Not other Christians. Just me…

family-proclamationI do support traditional marriage, and the reasons why have everything to do with my feelings about God and His plan.  But, at the same time, I want to show my love and support for all people, whether they feel the same about this topic or not. That is a hard position to be in for a person who feels strongly about loving God and feels strongly about loving their fellow men and women. But then I got thinking…exactly how will my feelings about marriage, God’s plan, and other people impact other people? Especially gay people? What does it mean to love God and how, exactly do my views on marriage impact my ability to love my fellow men and women?

I’m not being asked to vote on gay marriage as of right now. We, in my state, did vote on the definition of marriage and a federal judge over-ruled our vote. So, technically, my feelings about marriage will not have an impact on the laws of our land at this point. All I’m left with is my daily interaction with people. And I believe that I can honor Heavenly Father’s feelings on marriage and honor His feelings on how I treat others at the same time.

Here’s a final thought, and I’m not sure where it fits in all of this, I just know that it does. I have a building lot next to mine that is vacant. A few actually. They’re all nice lots where you could build a nice home and raise a family. If a gay couple moved in next door or in the cul-de-sac, we’d be friends with their family. If they had children, our kids would play with them. I’d shovel their walk and driveway (I like using my snow blower, a lot). We’d have cul-de-sac parties where we’d grill stuff. I’d sneak go over and look at their garden every week and I’d mow their lawn when they were on vacation. You see, just because we might be opposite sides of the legal view of marriage, I’m not in opposition to gay people. If a someone were to say, “Hey, that guy supports traditional marriage! He is full of hate!!”, then it would be obvious that they don’t live next to me…

I would suppose that there are Christians (and others) who do have feelings of hatred and bigotry toward gay couples, and those feelings may drive their opposition to gay marriage. I’m not in agreement with them. But either way, you can’t group all people who support traditional marriage into one group of “haters”. That is an oversimplification that is as unfair as you might feel like my views are.

And on the other hand, people who support traditional marriage but who don’t have feelings of hatred toward gay people should never act like those who are full of hate. Efforts to understand and love others who are on the other side of this debate seem more in accordance with God’s will and feelings than being cold, mistrusting, and unfriendly. In most cases you don’t have to violate the second commandment to keep the first.

I know there is much, much more to this subject, but I’ve felt like expressing these thoughts, as poorly written as they are, for some time now.

Be Encouraging…



10 thoughts on “A Mormon’s Thoughts on Gay Marriage and Traditional Marriage…

  1. Trudi Hatch

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. After hearing the news my thoughts turned to digging deep to find ways to “defend” why I stand by my belief in “traditional marriage”. After a long discussion with a friend I have a great desire to search, ponder and pray. Rather than trying to “defend” my belief I need to strengthen my “ETERNAL marriage” treasure it as a great gift and encourage those around me to do the same. I can start by focusing on changing things in my own life. Increase my own Christlike UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And sharing it. That is what my Savior wants from me. Never has “Stand as a witness” meant more in my life.

  2. Derrek

    Brian, I am a big fan of traditional marriage, but at the same time I don’t feel like if two men or two women (who don’t share my religious beliefs) get married it harms or lessens my traditional marriage in any way. A gay couple getting married changes nothing about my relationship with my wife. I don’t feel like I should legislate my religious views on others, nor should others legislate their religious views on me. Do I shop on Sundays? No. Do I think it should be illegal to shop on Sundays? Again, a resounding No. However it is on me to support those businesses that choose to remain closed on the sabbath.

    I keep hearing “its about the kids”, I believe that all other things being equal children that are raised in a home with both a mother and a father are better off in the long run, but that does not mean that single parents cannot raise great kids. If my wife and I were killed, I would much rather my children be raised by a good hearted gay couple than in a home where there is substance abuse going on, yet I don’t see rallies at the capitol, candle light vigils, and endless Facebook posts protesting children being raised in homes effected by substance abuse. I simply do not understand the level of vitriol coming from both sides, many people have tried to explain it to me, and it always comes down to the same thing in the end “agree to disagree”. I don’t feel like it is worth the hard feelings and discomfort it has caused on either side of the discussion.

    1. BJM Post author

      Your view is well stated and thought out. Thanks for sharing! Your line “I simply do not understand the level of vitriol coming from both sides” is especially good. Thanks!

    2. Jake

      I always had the same thought of legislating religious views and struggled with is this idea for a while. On the one hand it is my faith my God and what right do I have to legislate or vote my beliefs or gods laws on others. On the other God has given me laws, and they are the right way to live, have peace and happiness. I finally came upon what to me is the right answer. God has given laws, what is right what is wrong, if I am asked to vote or legislate on something that God has told us is right or wrong I must align my vote and my definition with his. I can not vote to redefine something he already has. He has made the path clear no confusion no debating no changes based on fads or popularity. Now it is up to me if I will align myself to his desires and laws.

  3. landonfulgham

    As a member of the church, who also happens to be gay, I can say that this post was very comforting. I see the argument for same-sex marriages from both sides. I’m not going to share my personal views on marriage equality, because that’s not going to get us anywhere. What I do want to mention is love, unconditional love.
    At this point in my life, I don’t care so much about my right to get married to whomever I want. What I do care about is being able to go to church, or to go home to my family, and to feel loved and accepted for who I am. I’ve sat through many Sunday School and Seminary lessons where I’ve felt alone and even unwanted. I guess what I’m trying to say is that your attitude toward the subject is the kind that gives me hope. I don’t know where else to go with this comment, but I just want to say thanks for this blog post.

  4. Eljin

    I love your message. I think this video could really give people some people an insight. http://www.loveisalltouneedthemovie.com it is worth watching. I don’t think any of us were sent hear to live a life shamed and feared. I really wish more people were open minded and understand everyone deserves to be happy.


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